What an amazing 10 months this has been........ I'm not even sure where to begin. Doing an event like this allows you to have a platform to express yourself, find yourself, allows us to step out of our daily grind and identify a period of your life. I have been asked over and over again... "why do you do this?" "What do you get out of this"....the answer is not simple and I am not sure i could express it well in a blog..... I will say that this event has given me a place to look at the past year which has probably been the biggest change in my life and just be reflective..... I will say that I feel that I am a better person, much more appreciative, grateful, patient, and understanding. Just to look on the surface..... in the last year, I have changed my body, formed life long friendships, changed my attitude on fitness, got a divorce, formed a new relationship, lost my house, dog, and time with my daughter, found religion, got a promotion..... I mean what a year! But this race, this event, has given me the skills to come out of all it a better person. I truly believe it is the training the attitude, the vulnerability, and the courage to look at who i really am, face my problems, and know that I have the strength to come out on top.
I have always said "Its about the journey, not the finish" What I do race day is irrelevant. I am going to win, but that's not what we remember. I am fortunate in that I have been coaching and competing for many years. I have been on many journeys as a competitor, with someone as their coach, or with my own coaching competitive dreams...i have discovered that you wont remember the wins and loses. What you will remember is the journey taken, the friendships formed, the training for something you want more than anything, the vulnerability and spirituality of it all..... Coaching has really made the biggest difference for me. Taking the journey so many times before with so many different people, with so many different goals, dreams, reasons, highs and lows, it made this particular journey in the middle of my life so much more understandable for me. I was able to appreciate all of it, understand where I am going, what it means, and hopefully where it will take me. There were so many wrestlers that all brought me to a place as an athlete where I felt like i had a total understanding of this journey....... There are simply to many stories over the years, but without each of them, taking the ride with each and everyone of them, I don't think I would have had the same experience, the patience, and the appreciation to know how short a ride it is, and to make sure and enjoy and Cherish each and every experience......
When we are in high school we allow ourselves to be much more expressive, exposed, vulnerable, and we allow ourselves to feel without regard for the rest of the world. That's what an event like this can do for you. When you look at peoples facebook pages, most of their "friends" are people they knew in high school, people they have not spoken to in 20 years....why is that...its because we go to such a pure place at that time in our life, we feel without regard, we believe in dreams others deem silly, we lose ourselves, and that's what i have been able to do at 38 years of age.
All of the training, the life changing events that happened this year, I was able to express it, enjoy it, and handle it because I was on this journey to conquer one of the worlds toughest races. I exposed myself for my friends and family to see, and I allowed myself to believe in something greater than myself. I allowed myself to become a kid again, let go, and dream.
I can still remember the first time Yesel, Tom, and I adventured in Angeles National Forest. Deep in the mountains, we found ourselves lost. I can remember the stress I felt and how it overtook me physically and emotionally. I can remember the break down and feeling lost. What i learned that day...after letting go and trusting in my friends, myself, and that particular journey was that if you let go, trust in where you are headed it will all work out the way it is supposed to. That day forever changed me and the way i look at the world and tackle my life. I have learned to let it go.....to trust....to believe. When you are training like that, you get vulnerable, exposed, it takes you to a spiritual place where you are completely broken down and are forced to face yourself. I learned how to strip myself to the bare bone, look inside, and actually like what i see. The rest doesn't matter as long as you like who you are at your core, as long as you believe, as long as you dream.
The Death Race is about dreaming. Its about adversity. Its about finding yourself. In the race if you go one hour or 40 hours, it really doesn't matter. What matters is that you have the courage to break yourself down and face the adversity. You had the guts if even for one moment in time to dream.
My life is forever changed. I found myself again......
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