My Baptisim

So yesterday was the day from hell.... Woke up with a soar throat, and I was very frustrated with the fact I could feel my body getting sick and breaking down.  I really dont have time for that, espeically not now!  I decided to try and tough it out and went to the gym regardless of what my body had to say about it.  After about 30 minutes of not being able to breath, no power, no strength, I just decided that was it.  I have never really given up in a gym workout so the frustration within grew.  I threw my rope and headed to the sauna.  I spent about 20 minutes just mostly stretching and was really upset with myself. 
I headed to the shower and in all my pouting rushed home to try and get some rest.  Thank god for Ms. P.A. who catered to my tantrum.  Homemade chicken noodle soup, some rest, lots of vitamins and orange juice, and some T.L.C..... 
I wake up the next morning and despite the fact that I now have a cold taking over and I am having a hard time breathing decide to pack my things and at least get in a short 1-2 hour run after work.  As I get my gear together I realize I left my running shoes, Ipod, running sock, and baseball at the gym!  I must have thrown the biggest fit ever.... I really got upset with myself.  What was god telling me?  To slow down?  Quit?  I just felt overwhelmed...everything that is going on, all my training, finances, fundraising, sacrifice, time, why was my body breaking down and my armor lost?  My Ipod and Shoes are my current heartbeat, and I felt tired of all the money, and emotions being spent.....
So Ms. P.A. gave me just the right combination of kick in the ass and compassion.  But I realized at that moment that this is what the Death Race is all about.  What are you going to do when life is not fair.  When things don't go your way.  Quit?  Cry?  Give up?  Or are you going to pick yourself up and march on.  I always prided myself on being a guy who broke through the wall and here I was crying over a cold, ipod, and my shoes...... 
So I realized what God is trying to tell me.  First Balance.  Its just a race.  Its doesn't define me, but it can be a huge part of my personality moving forward.  Its very much like wrestling...people wont understand what I am doing or why, but in the end this is about yourself, pushing through your limits, and finding yourself.  For me this race is about so much more than a finish line.  Finish or not I am going to that farm and I am going to leave everything I have there.  I will leave with no Regrets, and it will all be left at the Amnee Farm.  This is a funeral of sorts.  I am leaving behind everything I never finished and I am coming home a different person.  This is about a wrestling career left unfulfilled, a failed marriage, a wasted youth, any missed opportunity, I am going there on my 38th birthday and coming home finished with any regrets and ready to move on to the next chapter of my life.  There is so much to look forward to.  I am marching up there to stare regret, defeat, and self doubt in the face and give it my everything.  Whatever that is I know I will be at peace...this is my baptism and I am ready......

So a few days off, Rest, and I am going to hit May with everything I got.  Watch out death race...here I come

"The Funeral"

I'm coming up only to hold you under
I'm coming up only to show you wrong
And to know you is hard; we wonder
To know you all wrong; we were.

Really too late to call,
So we wait for morning to wake you
That's all we got
to know me as hardly golden
Is to know me all wrong, they were.

At every occasion I'll be ready for the funeral
Every occasion, once more, it's called the funeral
Every occasion, know I'm ready for the funeral
At every occasion, oh, one billion day funeral

I'm coming up only to show you down,
For I'm coming up only to show you wrong.

To the outside: the dead leaves, they're on the lawn
Before they died, had trees to hang their hope

And every occasion
I'll be ready for the funeral
And every occasion once more
It's called the funeral
And every occasion
Oh, I'm ready for the funeral
Every occasion
Of one billion day funeral